Sex and intimacy
Issues in sex and intimacy are among the most common that couples face. They represent the unique bond between partners, and can really wreak havoc in a couple's relationship when things go awry. One partner wants more, one wants less, and what starts out as a simple negotiation can turn into a monumental rift between partners. When this happens, couples often get stuck in blaming each other for the lost connection instead of repairing the deeper connection between them.
One large barrier to getting help is embarrassment (or shame). Even though sex is one of the most common issues that couples face, very few share their struggle with others, and so quietly bare the burden alone. We want you to know that you're not alone and that there is hope!
Sex is just one component of intimacy. It is a significant component, but intimacy is a broader concept that is important to understand. One way to say intimacy is IN-TO-ME-YOU-SE. Intimacy is about knowing and being known, and it can encompass a number of aspects of the person: spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical.
Physical intimacy gets the most attention, but again, it's only one component. Issues with sex don't just happen because one partner wants more sex than the other. Issues in a couple's sexual life happen because of a breakdown in intimacy, and a breakdown in intimacy can start long before the couple starts having issues in their sexual life. When sex becomes the primary source of intimacy it's a recipe for trouble, and a sign that other essential elements of intimacy may be missing.
Another way to think of intimacy is like building blocks. For intimacy to thrive it needs to be nurtured and attended to in the right order. When one aspect is off, it can affect the others as well. For couples to feel the close connection they desire, it's important for each area of intimacy to be fully nurtured.
The right order
Good sex, bad Sex
When most couples think of "good sex," they think about orgasm. Nothing against orgasm, but for couples who have made orgasm the main goal in their physical relationship, it's a sign that the other areas of intimacy are missing or underdeveloped. In fact, great sex can be void of orgasm, while bad sex can include orgasm.
Good sex (a majority of the time) will encompass the various nuances of physical intimacy, with touching, caressing, eye contact, and mutual pleasuring, in addition to the emotional, relational, and spiritual intricacies of the unique bond between partners. Now, this doesn't mean that there won't be occasions where a sexual encounter is brief and passionate, but it does mean that chronic neglect in one or more of these other areas of intimacy can create problems.
If you and your partner are struggling with sex and intimacy, we'd like to help! Call today for your free consultation.