Recovering after an affair is one of the biggest hurdles a couple can face. But couples can recover and do recover from this tragic betrayal, and if you are currently going through this situation you can too. It's not an easy road, and it can feel like an emotional tsunami, but it can also bring out the untapped strength of the human heart that is in you. Infidelity is painful and tears at the fabric of the relationship, but if both partners are committed to making it work, recovery is absolutely possible.
Help that works
Counseling that works will aid the healing process by giving both spouses time to work through their reactions and emotions to the betrayal, and coming to terms with their new reality. Instead of remaining a story of tragedy, a story of redemption can emerge when both partners participate in the healing. Counseling that works typically includes elements of the list below.
When to say goodbye
For many couples, working through the pain, while hard, will be worth the investment. But even though recovery is possible, it does not mean that the injured partner should always stay in the relationship. If the cheating spouse is 1) unwilling to end the outside relationship, 2) unwilling to engage in the healing process, or 3) has an ongoing pattern of cheating without a willingness to take action, then these are strong considerations for the injured partner.
Example 1: Your partner cheated, and when confronted, admits it. After further nudging, she admits to the affair and is willing to end the outside relationship. You're certain it's the first and only time, and she is willing to engage in professional counseling to work through healing the relationship. This is an oversimplification, but all things considered, this is an example of an opportunity for recovery.
Example 2: Your partner cheated, and when confronted, denies it. Even after being presented with evidence, he continues to gaslight you (the spouse), calling your gut instincts in to question. After finally admitting to the affair, he says he is not willing to engage in professional counseling. What's more, he avoids questions, and isn't willing to take steps to end contact with the other party, and even minimizes the situation. These are not good signs that the relationship will be able to recover and move forward.
Getting better will take work for both partners, but healing is possible. If you and your spouse have experienced this injury to your relationship, it's best to get help sooner rather than later. Those who never get help often re-experience a growing elephant in their relationship that becomes a source of lifelong pain and unfinished tension. This doesn't have to be your story, and if you're partner is not ready to engage in counseling with you we recommend getting help for yourself. Contact us today for your free consultation.