Feeling like your communication keeps breaking down? Find yourself wanting to give up? Maybe the problem is rooted in attachment. At least that's what current research suggests. You might be asking, "doesn't attachment just apply to mothers and babies?" The answer is: it applies to all significant relationships, and current research shows that the attachment between a parent and child is very similar to the attachment between partners. When there is a breakdown in communication, it typically means there is a breakdown in attachment.
Take a look at the video below to see how adult and infant bonding (attachment) have the same interaction process. The video shows the logic of emotional connection and disconnection in the drama between two partners, and how it affects communication. Dr. Susan Johnson points out that "staying close to a protected love one is the main survival strategy of our species." When there is a threat to staying close, that's when communication can go sideways.
Most couples come to counseling and state that they would like to work on their communication, but the solution is less about communication skills, and more about understanding and repairing safety to the bond between partners. The real drama is in the breakdown of the bond; the most vital of survival instincts.
The 5 moves
Can you relate?
Most couples, after watching this clip announce "that's just like us!" The interaction shows how partners, similar to a mother and infant, engage in predictable communication patterns when connection is lost. Keep in mind, not every couple's interaction will look identical to the one displayed in the video. Occasionally both partners engage in protesting (attack) simultaneously, while other couples may experience a shutting down in both partners.
Contact us today to get your free consultation. We would love to help you repair the bond and communicate in a way that works.